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July 25, 2021 - Keshia, Faith, Ran

I have my sister in law Keshia, niece Faith and nephew Ran on to talk about what July 25, 2021 was for each of us and what we were doing when we got the news. Talking about Trauma is hard. There is so much my family has not talked about still. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to find the right words. It takes effort, just like anything else in life. I'm so proud of my family in this episode. 3 years later it still hurts the same, maybe worse. The more time goes on the more I havent seen them. That is really difficult to accept. What I have learned so far is how much I really loved Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race and Rider. Death has shown me that. I have learned that the gratitude, the joy, the love, the growth to be had from this horror is located in the same place as the pain. I ran from the pain for so long but that was also causing me to run away from Kortni and Riggins and Franki and Race and Rider. It still hurts, really bad. Continuing to talk about them and how I feel on the inside as allowed me to also find gratitude and love along with the pain now. I didnt have that at the beginning. Kortni, Riggins, Franki, Race, Rider. We love you and miss you so much. I never thought this would be our life and journey together. But it is, so what are we going to do about it?

Kortni Sawyer

"I remember when I turned 33" I am 6 months older than Kortni and so every time she had a birthday I would say "I remember when I turned..." I think she laughed hard the first time I did it and then rolled here eyes for the next 15 years when I did it haha. Where I am currently at in my grief journey is having the idea that Kortni and Riggins and Franki are somewhere. I am not sure what form or shape that is in but they are somewhere together and it is a struggle for them. Just like it is a struggle for Blue and I and the rest of our family. Kortni always found a way to help people and have a positive influence in the worst of circumstances. Even though Kortni is dealing with grief too I know she would be handling it well with a combo of grace and fury. She keeps me going, she gets me out of bed. She has always been a great leader and role model to me. I got to have some Kortni's friends on. (sorry to all the freinds we didnt have on haha kort would have felt bad) Thank you to her friends Shelbi and Madi who went to middle school with Kortni and played high school basketball with her. We had Kort's friend Aria on too who worked as a nurse with Kortni. My absolute favorite thing is hearing stories about Kortni, especially ones I have never heard of before. So thank you to Shelbi, Madi and Aria I felt Kortni's spirit so strongly talking to all of you at the same time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORTNI! LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Conner Furu

Got to talk with Conner Furu and what he has been through in his life. We both talked a lot about how sports has played a pivotal role in our lives. It was fun to relate with someone like him in that way. Conner is a man of his word and you get a sense of his integridy and accountability in this episode I think. One of my favorite quotes from him says; "The inferno of our grief is fueled by our refusal to acknowledge it, and extinguished by our attempts to undertand it." Grief at times does feel like an inferno and I think Conner is right. If you refuse to talk about it then it only feeds it and makes it bigger. Only by talking about it can you actually extinguish it. Thanks for showing up and being on our show Conner

Parker Terry

Parker lost his wife, Jordan Lynae Terry, age 28. She passed away December 18, 2023, in Tucson, Arizona from complications incident to childbirth. A perfect full-term baby boy, Mack Jordan Terry, also passed away on December 17, 2023, during the birth. He weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches in length. Parker and Jordan planned an at home birth which turned into Parker slowly watching his wife and baby die. Victoria Alexander says; "There are three needs of the griever. To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Jordan and Mack passed away about 5 months ago, the strength Jordan has to talk about it is inspiring to me. Thank you for finding the words and saying them Jordan, they will definitely be heard by our 10ninety tribe.

Jana White

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason talks with Jana White. Jana has been a high school psychology teacher and cross country coach for over 20 years. She has trained as a triathlete for most of her life and completed an ironman. Jana is a badass. In 2014 Jana lost her father and mother, Hubert Issel and Alana L. Uibel to a side by side accident. Jana's son Cooper and niece Evelyn were also involved in the accident. Jana worked as an EMT prior to the accident and talks to us about what she did to help save her son's life. Cooper suffered a traumatic brain injury from the accident and his recovery is an amazing story of turning trauma into triumph. Jana talks to us about helping her kids work through life's challenges and never giving up. Jana talks to us about the accident, her journey with grief, and the experience helping h er son Cooper with his recovery. Jana is a true hero, not just in that terrible moment with her family, but ever since then, her 90% is inspiring.

Seth Gehle

"You may not be responsible for getting knocked down. But you're certainly responsible for getting back up." -Wally Amos Seth Gehle was not responsible for his dad being in prison after trying to kill his mom, his mom being a drug addict and having addicts come and go as they pleased in and out of Seths house and bedroom. Seth found comfort in a adult friend who provided attention, food, shelter and safety. And then this adult "friend" ended up sexually molesting Seth over 300 times as well as raping him. Seth was not responsible for many things in his life, but it is his responsibility to get back up, and I'm not sure how he does it, but he does. Some parts of this episode are gross and will make you sick to your stomach but Seth deserves a place where he can talk about his trauma and all the details that come with it. Imagine being raped as a young boy, and no one wants to hear you talk about it. Not even the good guys want to hear you talk about it. Well, that's dumb. I am glad you felt comfortable sharing your story Seth. Love you man.

Amanda Hurst

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, we sit down with Amanda Hurst. Amanda lost her husband, Clever Hurst, to suicide on June 5th, 2020. Mason and Ryan talk with Amanda about the persistent taboo surrounding suicide and the need to recognize signs of depression in those we care about. They discuss the experience Amanda had being married to Cleve for 12 years, the nuances between grief and depression, and the crucial importance of reaching out for help if you're experiencing suicidal ideation.

Mitch Whetman (part 2)

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason and Ryan talk to Mitch Whetman. If you haven't heard Mitch's story go back and listen to episode 15 where we first talk about Mitch's sister Whitney. Whitney passed away from suicide on July 16, 2010. Mitch said in the first episode we recorded with him that when you lose a loved one, "they die in pieces." Since our last interview Mitch got married and had his first baby, and son, Nashton Bret Whetman. On this episode we talk about the difficulty of accepting the good things happening in your life when your loved ones aren't there to witness it. We talk about what we do to tap into the idea of We>Me and we talk about Mitch's spiritual journey while walking with grief.

Ryan Stream

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we interview Ryan Stream. Ryan Stream is TEDx speaker, best selling author, Veteran, and entrepreneur. Ryan shares his story about growing up in poverty, battling drug addiction, going to war, and building his life up from rock bottom. Ryan talks about how life happens for you instead of life happening to you. He shares with us gifts that he’s been given that have impacted his life and people who have seen the potential within him when he couldn’t see it himself. Ryan’s a great dude. Happy to have met him and share time with him on this podcast.

Kelly Jewel

On this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast we talk with Kelly Jewel. 14 years ago Kelly lost her husband Clint to Leukemia. Mason and Kelly talk about the importance of talking about your grief throughout your life because the grief will be with you forever. Mason and Kelly talk about the battle you have with hope as you're going through trauma. Kelly talks about how the grief of Clint's passing has been on her mind more as her kids get older. Kelly talks about the moments before Clint's passing, hyper fixating on small moments, and how opening up about her pain helps her carry it better.

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